I did not lose any weight this week. In fact, I gained a pound. It is safe to say that this week has had its ups and downs. It's amazing how much of my dieting success is based solely on psychology.
I had been discussing the cabbage soup cleanse with some friends from my daughter's day care. I decided to do a 2-day cleanse. My diet was not immaculate, but I did eat very healthy during the weekend. On Monday morning, I woke up to see that I had put on 3 pounds overnight. I am not dumb, so I know that you don't put on weight overnight after eating healthy. Furthermore, I was feeling very bloated. The problem is, that I suffer from an unhealthy obsession with the scale. I therefore found the increased number on the scale to be discouraging, which resulted in my overeating all day long. This morning when I woke up, I had decided to buy ice cream, chocolate and twinkies after dropping my daughter off at the day care. In other words, I had accepted defeat, like I have so many times before. While at the day care, however, I told a friend about what had happened. She told me that she also got bloated from the cabbage soup cleanse, and that I should start over again. Although I know and understand all the facts, it was motivating to get a pep-talk from another person. In fact, it was absolutely necessary. I decided not to go on a binge after all, and I am now hoping to do well this week. I do wish that I did not have this frequent psychological barrier preventing me from succeeding. I don't know what to say or do about it. I will just continue trying to take things one day at a time.

I just posted my first weight loss numbers. Although the posting says that I lost 3 pounds in a week, it was more like a week and a half, since I've been lazy updating the info. I am really happy about my progress. I sometimes start to think that my weight loss is nothing but a drop in the ocean, since I still have another 45 pounds to lose. It is true that 45 pounds is a lot. Try lifting a 1-pound bag of flour (or sugar, which is more the case with me!), and feel how heavy it is. Then multiply that by 45, and you have the extra weight on my body! It is quite incredible to think about how much is in a pound. Nevertheless, I refuse to let negative thoughts control my actions. I recently read how a renowned bariatric doctor claims that "the key to weight loss is knowing your personality". I absolutely agree. One must know ones strengths and weaknesses. In my case, I have to take care not to let negative feelings overwhelm me. I can't lose this battle on the grounds that "it's too big of a struggle". I can't fall into self-hatred. Instead, I will take pride in every pound I lose. I will remember that each pound is the equivalent of a heavy bag of flour! I will also keep in mind, that losing weight consists of a series of small victories, that eventually culminate in one huge victory. That is simply how it works, and one must strive to achieve the little victories, one by one.
Another thing that I find helpful is to show myself some love. Under normal circumstances. showing myself love would mean eating a bag of peanut butter m&m's and some cookie dough ice cream. But that is cheap, worthless love! The real way to show yourself love is to take care of yourself. Exercise when possible, do your hair and make-up to feel and look beautiful, put on some body lotion after a hot bath.
I am not going to lose this battle. I will continue the struggle, one small victory at a time.

I am happy with how well I have been doing lately. I have a lot of motivation to go on with my weight loss efforts. I know I shouldn't, but I have been weighing myself every day. I tend to obsess about the scale. Most of my diets in the past failed when I stepped on the scale and saw that I had gained weight overnight. Since I deal with frustration by bingeing on sweets, my diet was always sabotaged. My head told me that I had not really gained weight, that I was just bloated. Still, I've never been able to deal with it. When I weighed myself yesterday morning, the scale showed a loss of 2 pounds - 186. Yesterday I ate healthy, but this morning the scale told me that I was back up to 188! I found this frustrating, of course, and for a moment it crossed my mind to go and binge on whatever I could find. Instead, however, I told myself that I was probably just bloated from sodium intake. Furthermore, I told myself that whether I've gained weight or not, overeating will never help me with the source of my problems, my weight.
I decided to go on another day, one day at a time.

Wow... here I go again. It's been over a year since I started this blog. Needless to say, the reason for my absence is complete and utter failure. I am now 16 pounds heavier than last time I checked in. At 188 pounds, I have set a goal to lose 50 pounds and reach my ideal weight of approximately 140 pounds. I have decided to do it differently this time. This time, I am not going to eat a big box of ice cream every time the scale shows a slight decrease in my weight. I am going to remember, that losing weight entails a life-style change. I will also remind myself that this change will most definitely help me reach my goals in the end, and every journey contains bumpy roads. Hopefully, this blog will replace overeating as an outlet for whatever difficulties I will face.