Back again! Heavy but positive

I haven't written in ages, obviously. I have now come to see, that I need writing as a tool to help me on my way to recovery. It somehow helps to jot down my thoughts, to make them appear black on white.

I have joined Overeaters Anonymous. Although I have been attending meetings for a month now, I have yet to begin implementing their rigorous meal plan in my daily life. I have been trying hard to battle my cravings and avoid bingeing, but I am still not ready to begin the OA meal plan. I was disappointed this morning when I weighed myself and saw that my weight has ballooned to 193 pounds. And this despite the fact that I thought I had been doing pretty well for the past month since joining OA! Often in the past, such a number on the scale might cause me to become depressed, discouraged, and to go on yet another binge. This time, I plan to do the exact opposite. I now recognize the fact that negative thinking will get me nowhere. Instead, I am going to work at being good to myself by eating healthy. I will not be negatively influenced by the high number on the scale. Instead, I will be happy about the fact that this will be last time I will see this number, and that my healthy habits will indeed help me attain a healthy weight and, hopefully, a healthy attitude towards food.